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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was excited to see a spider skittering across my bathroom floor, because this one was real and not a hallucination. FML

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

#21080644
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42245) - you deserved it (4629)

On 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by fuck off, eh! (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

#21092916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40572) - you deserved it (7510)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm - misc - by BMTH2296 (man) - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

#21088838
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35576) - you deserved it (3676)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:51am - kids - by BondingTime - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41181) - you deserved it (2937)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

#21085148
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40589) - you deserved it (3313)

On 03/12/2014 at 8:11pm - work - by Anon - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

#21097950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35110) - you deserved it (5223)

On 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by mookiemookie01 (woman) -

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64014) - you deserved it (5057)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51164) - you deserved it (2994)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38368) - you deserved it (4759)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

#21079043
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33575) - you deserved it (16500)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:36pm - work - by sparkrok - United States (Washington)

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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