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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

#21075108
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37413) - you deserved it (15001)

On 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm - money - by SarahNB - United States (Utah)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63298) - you deserved it (8551)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44886) - you deserved it (6502)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41475) - you deserved it (17956)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44834) - you deserved it (3811)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

#21089044
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38247) - you deserved it (6163)

On 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm - misc - by NotInTheRightPlace (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41631) - you deserved it (3127)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52645) - you deserved it (13434)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40687) - you deserved it (6120)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34602) - you deserved it (11812)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45067) - you deserved it (6452)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46636) - you deserved it (3211)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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