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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49915) - you deserved it (6998)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44103) - you deserved it (4675)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47095) - you deserved it (6138)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39457) - you deserved it (5040)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44086) - you deserved it (18836)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41526) - you deserved it (17972)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43989) - you deserved it (4435)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39557) - you deserved it (3041)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

#21075108
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38953) - you deserved it (15656)

On 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm - money - by SarahNB - United States (Utah)

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

#21081896
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54898) - you deserved it (5588)

On 03/09/2014 at 1:08am - misc - by Seriously? - United States (California)



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