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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42678) - you deserved it (5859)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42085) - you deserved it (3720)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35241) - you deserved it (12177)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40666) - you deserved it (19524)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37970) - you deserved it (5523)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (2926)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

#21086220
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40363) - you deserved it (3653)

On 03/14/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38038) - you deserved it (4867)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54952) - you deserved it (4665)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

#21075108
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37301) - you deserved it (14978)

On 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm - money - by SarahNB - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44779) - you deserved it (6117)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)



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