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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

#21090716
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41613) - you deserved it (3907)

On 03/19/2014 at 8:28am - work - by pale-suzie (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21159) - you deserved it (39670)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

#21098742
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36270) - you deserved it (3965)

On 03/28/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

#21084209
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39500) - you deserved it (6555)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54087) - you deserved it (6540)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21504) - you deserved it (35968)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

#21098658
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36179) - you deserved it (3018)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:11pm - work - by IDIOT (man) - United States

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

#21100982
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38359) - you deserved it (2826)

On 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

#21078096
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35796) - you deserved it (5546)

On 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by cubs44fan - United States (Indiana)



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