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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39000) - you deserved it (15674)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46266) - you deserved it (9946)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

#21082949
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (4283)

On 03/10/2014 at 4:22am - misc - by are you kidding me? - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48824) - you deserved it (9040)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40852) - you deserved it (19584)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56493) - you deserved it (5932)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52701) - you deserved it (13445)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41718) - you deserved it (11679)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51901) - you deserved it (5877)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56977) - you deserved it (7152)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

#21093670
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (10760)

On 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by campus pussy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML



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