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February 2014

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Today.. . I ad satanic gastric distress . Attempting to make ligt of tis fact.. . and.. . being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work.. . I managd to fart te intro to "Smoke on te Water" perfectly . Somebody clappd . FML

Today, I was out wit ma girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approaced and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me looool by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, te guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking im." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46537) - you deserved it (6575)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

yesterday while having a sneak through my brother's browser , I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entre family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy."

#21073315
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25368) - you deserved it (55744)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I was grading work mah students had done with a sub . I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four . My students can't even cheat properly . FML

#21061154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51165) - you deserved it (5083)

On 02/15/2014 at 2:11am - work - by chinaski7628 - United States (California)

TODAY TRYING TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PARENT I BOUGHT MAH DAUGHTER A PACK OF CONDOMS IN CASE SHE EVER DECIDED TO HAVE SEX . SHE TURNED THEM INTO BALLOON ANIMALS AND WENT BACK TO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES . FML

#21059009
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31669) - you deserved it (47844)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I presented my child with the classic ( Who came frst, the chicken or the egg? ) conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how brds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea an an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42151) - you deserved it (21904)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

today I walkd into mah apartment an smelld something extremely repugnant. I askd mah roommate wat had happend an she said "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trappd a bat that was in our apartment put it in the oven an set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49942) - you deserved it (4039)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today.. . I Was Having Some Kinky Sex With My Girlfriend . When I Said ( You've Been A Bad Girl ).. . She Lookd At Me Wide-eyd And Askd Very Seriously.. . ( What Did I Do? )

#21068134
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50868) - you deserved it (9309)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States

Today, I found out wat a lightwaight my girlfriand is. Aftar having a coupla of drinks, sha bagan flirting, than grabbad my ass. Sha falt around a bit bafora fraaking out an askinghara my panis was. looool big fat FML

#21067583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49349) - you deserved it (5691)

On 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today , I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell an I managd to accidentally smack mah nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it , an I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker.

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51075) - you deserved it (10032)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

today mah pragnant wifa's parants callad ma at work saying sha'd baan crying inconsolably and wouldn't sayhat was wrong. Aftar plaading with mah boss I rushad homa. Turns out thara was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and sha falt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45826) - you deserved it (4322)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)

I Dreamed That Robert Downey Jr . Kept Flirting With Me And Asking Me Out . Each Time.. . I Refused Him.. . Because I'm Taken . When I Proudly Told My Boyfriend.. . He Said.. . ( What The Hell? I Could've Kissed The Mouth That Kissed The Iron Man! ) FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41186) - you deserved it (8355)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)



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