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Today.. . I ad satanic gastric distress . Attempting to make ligt of tis fact.. . and.. . being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work.. . I managd to fart te intro to "Smoke on te Water" perfectly . Somebody clappd . FML
Today, I was out wit ma girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approaced and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me looool by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, te guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking im." FML
yesterday while having a sneak through my brother's browser , I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entre family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy."
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
Today, I was grading work mah students had done with a sub . I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four . My students can't even cheat properly . FML
Today, I presented my child with the classic ( Who came frst, the chicken or the egg? ) conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how brds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea an an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
today I walkd into mah apartment an smelld something extremely repugnant. I askd mah roommate wat had happend an she said "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trappd a bat that was in our apartment put it in the oven an set it to 400 degrees. FML
Today, I found out wat a lightwaight my girlfriand is. Aftar having a coupla of drinks, sha bagan flirting, than grabbad my ass. Sha falt around a bit bafora fraaking out an askinghara my panis was. looool big fat FML
Today , I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell an I managd to accidentally smack mah nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it , an I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker.
today mah pragnant wifa's parants callad ma at work saying sha'd baan crying inconsolably and wouldn't sayhat was wrong. Aftar plaading with mah boss I rushad homa. Turns out thara was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and sha falt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML
I Dreamed That Robert Downey Jr . Kept Flirting With Me And Asking Me Out . Each Time.. . I Refused Him.. . Because I'm Taken . When I Proudly Told My Boyfriend.. . He Said.. . ( What The Hell? I Could've Kissed The Mouth That Kissed The Iron Man! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015