Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41326) - you deserved it (12481)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41508) - you deserved it (7857) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59057) - you deserved it (25703)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53040) - you deserved it (32301)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55955) - you deserved it (5626)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49656) - you deserved it (6231)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46207) - you deserved it (8702)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54072) - you deserved it (6002) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45638) - you deserved it (4913)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

#21019316
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48811) - you deserved it (17362)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: