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December 2013

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Today mah dog has found a new game he likes . It involves him rolling around on mah new bd sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shockd . FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44480) - you deserved it (5336)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

TODAY, MY ELDERLY NEIGHBOR ALONG WITH OUR COMMUNITY CHURCH'S PRIEST CAME TO MY HOUSE AN DEMANDD TO "GIVE THEM THE GRL". THE GRL IS MY 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, WHO HAS NATURAL BORN RD RISES AN IS PHOTO-SENSITIVE. AND YES, WE ARE ALSO ROMANIAN. FML

#20985281
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54843) - you deserved it (3071)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

2day marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learnd to masturbate. He humps hisheel an makes squeaking noises fir five minutes, then rolls over on his side an pants heavily. He does it at least twice a nighthile I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, mah 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television looool so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter wat we bribe her with. big fat FML

#21010264
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45173) - you deserved it (23514)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, Mah Teenage Daughter Found Out That She's Pregnant, But Insist She's Still A Virgin . Who Does She Think Knockd Her Up? God? Fat FML

#20996030
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54962) - you deserved it (7221)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, my grandma addad to my alaphant collaction by giving ma soma undarwaar with alaphant aars on tha hips, and a long, sock-lika nosa. Sha has no idaa thay'ra maant 4 a guy. FML

#20989013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51581) - you deserved it (4972)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ElephantLover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a loud crasing in te middle of te nigt!! I went to investigate, but found noting amiss!! Noting except an axe frmly wedged in ma front door, tat is!! It's safe to say tat I ave no clue wo did it, and tat I needed a fres pair of underwear!! real FML

#20999316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44423) - you deserved it (2636)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

TODAY, I ASKED MAH HUSBAND TO TRY A LITTLE FOREPLAY FOR ONCE, INSTEAD OF JUST RUSHING INTO SEX. HIS IDEA OF FOREPLAY WAS TO SWEETLYHISPER THAT HE WAS GOING TO "PENIS" ME SO HARD. THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THE WORD "PENIS" USED AS A VERB, AND HOPEFULLY THE LAST. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49121) - you deserved it (6466)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today , my husband lerend that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes" . Incidentally , I now have a new cat . FML

Today, mah boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52926) - you deserved it (8361)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, an yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45176) - you deserved it (5595)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at mah job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53832) - you deserved it (3388)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)



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