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November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43669) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

#20963219
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45628) - you deserved it (2600)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:00am - health - by seizuregirl17 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37006) - you deserved it (3387)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

#20968575
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48106) - you deserved it (4325)

On 11/24/2013 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47799) - you deserved it (3957)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45811) - you deserved it (7005)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

#20950736
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45710) - you deserved it (2420)

On 11/08/2013 at 8:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

#20968871
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45190) - you deserved it (3512)

On 11/24/2013 at 11:01am - love - by fries - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42885) - you deserved it (2774)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60045) - you deserved it (5554)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47749) - you deserved it (6755)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55601) - you deserved it (4074)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

#20958610
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52243) - you deserved it (3426)

On 11/15/2013 at 11:59am - misc - by Colby - Canada (New Brunswick)



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