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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38086) - you deserved it (2670)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42804) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38596) - you deserved it (7823)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (45005)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43295) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

#20917208
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41360) - you deserved it (3365)

On 10/12/2013 at 1:40am - kids - by easily amused (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25221) - you deserved it (37449)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (2427)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39701) - you deserved it (17499)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

#20937069
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36132) - you deserved it (3610)

On 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50066) - you deserved it (8580)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

#20938804
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (3883)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:03am - animals - by meow (woman) - United States



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