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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44193) - you deserved it (4164)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19713) - you deserved it (99593)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36688) - you deserved it (6824)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

#20879220
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45442) - you deserved it (5013)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:55am - work - by ellen77 - United States (California)

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60981) - you deserved it (3701)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51299) - you deserved it (4983)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

#20867651
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36493) - you deserved it (2859)

On 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by swana99 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

#20901491
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36371) - you deserved it (2947)

On 09/30/2013 at 1:01am - health - by Overworked - United States

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43984) - you deserved it (4023)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

#20901686
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39066) - you deserved it (8228)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)



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