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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

#20897003
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42093) - you deserved it (5715)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by my gran is a cuntwaffle (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43954) - you deserved it (4135)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50317) - you deserved it (5722)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38822) - you deserved it (2581)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

#20898877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36881) - you deserved it (4412)

On 09/28/2013 at 6:53am - misc - by blackcat37 - United States (Missouri)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30674) - you deserved it (8300)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (2355)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35886) - you deserved it (6708)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59650) - you deserved it (3607)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50118) - you deserved it (33796)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51014) - you deserved it (4957)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

#20900063
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43276) - you deserved it (4096)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:45am - misc - by -__-" - United States (Washington)



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