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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39250) - you deserved it (17078)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

#20894309
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39632) - you deserved it (2734)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40873) - you deserved it (6403)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41259) - you deserved it (6902)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49184) - you deserved it (2999)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31782) - you deserved it (8521)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

#20869348
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47720) - you deserved it (4784)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm - love - by single again - United States (California)

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

#20878595
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (53528)

On 09/12/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by :| (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44851) - you deserved it (3238)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53724) - you deserved it (6220)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18068) - you deserved it (89142)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)



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