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September 2013

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Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

by CodyS / 09/03/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Money

Today, I realized I pay $160/month to get two texts a day. One from my bank telling me how much I have, one for my credit card telling me how much I owe. FML

by BeautifulChaos27 / 09/17/2013 at 7:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 7:36am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 12:02am / United States / Kids

Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 7:55am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2013 at 8:15pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

by clarakipper / 09/25/2013 at 3:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

by lola1313 / 09/17/2013 at 10:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, a co-worker described, in vivid detail in the middle of the office, how he dribbles after peeing, and often has a burning sensation. FML

by out_of_my_head / 09/19/2013 at 5:55am / United States / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

by CrystalsDontWork / 09/18/2013 at 2:34am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 6:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids