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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58406) - you deserved it (29099)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51406) - you deserved it (6694)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65567) - you deserved it (26906)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59178) - you deserved it (9579)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57593) - you deserved it (12912)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59756) - you deserved it (6438)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49747) - you deserved it (3968)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76011) - you deserved it (4361)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52548) - you deserved it (11428)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (94954)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54270) - you deserved it (19633)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47300) - you deserved it (3255)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19272) - you deserved it (138921)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



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