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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

#20842035
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55114) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm - love - by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

#20846099
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41539) - you deserved it (2351)

On 08/20/2013 at 8:54am - animals - by TheRoad42 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51013) - you deserved it (13319)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

#20860215
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41743) - you deserved it (18492)

On 08/30/2013 at 10:44am - health - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48602) - you deserved it (4858)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39018) - you deserved it (23232)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

#20826525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45522) - you deserved it (5048)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:09am - kids - by NextAmericanIdol? - United States (Maryland)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55167) - you deserved it (5025)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53152) - you deserved it (6907)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49152) - you deserved it (3138)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47093) - you deserved it (6110)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML



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