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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (13827)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (46583)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51019) - you deserved it (5201)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48800) - you deserved it (2658)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

#20844156
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48575) - you deserved it (2832)

On 08/19/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53020) - you deserved it (9839)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58896) - you deserved it (5161)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54134) - you deserved it (7062)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

#20838885
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45309) - you deserved it (8039)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by insomniac x2 (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47656) - you deserved it (7680)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55904) - you deserved it (3531)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31601) - you deserved it (61921)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States



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