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August 2013

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Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

by bglenney / 08/15/2013 at 5:47am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

by JuggaloSlasher15 / 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

by (._. ) / 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

by fuck my arse / 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2013 at 8:48pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

by Serum / 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy