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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

#20856558
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52276) - you deserved it (4688)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36008) - you deserved it (4026)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

#20859259
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42647) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by hope they slash you next, mom - United States (Ohio)

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22207) - you deserved it (32109) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

#20833889
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40128) - you deserved it (6421)

On 08/12/2013 at 2:54pm - misc - by amayasoma - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

#20836993
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21397) - you deserved it (42858)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

#20819772
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41930) - you deserved it (18257)

On 08/04/2013 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Anon - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

#20846264
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39657) - you deserved it (3233)

On 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by nobieb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

#20844606
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (6728)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - work - by oops (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

#20833678
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42335) - you deserved it (6982)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:09pm - health - by notmansbestfriend (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50374) - you deserved it (8554)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

#20847276
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37667) - you deserved it (6715)

On 08/21/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Beegee (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

#20845667
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35190) - you deserved it (5042)

On 08/20/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by nice guys finish last - United States (Tennessee)



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