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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59667) - you deserved it (7581)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54779) - you deserved it (4576)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50835) - you deserved it (4828)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44103) - you deserved it (3156)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46161) - you deserved it (2465)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

#20832766
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49219) - you deserved it (5202)

On 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm - kids - by mydaughterisdisturbed - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54516) - you deserved it (5240)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48514) - you deserved it (4901)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48845) - you deserved it (4328)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

#20816365
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54341) - you deserved it (5764)

On 08/02/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48440) - you deserved it (4915)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51702) - you deserved it (11172)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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