Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
August 2013

Choose a category


Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe / 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm / Sweden / Animals

Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

by thanks mom ¬_¬ / 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

by sisterly love / 08/14/2013 at 5:13pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

by thanksad / 08/22/2013 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 5:36pm / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

by names suck and so do I / 08/08/2013 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Love

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

by NotInterested / 08/23/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2013 at 3:24am / United Kingdom (Redbridge) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

by deadman / 08/15/2013 at 9:06pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2013 at 1:59pm / United States (Florida) / Animals