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July 2013

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Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47878) - you deserved it (26828)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

#20788188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44682) - you deserved it (3744)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35894) - you deserved it (4606)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42104) - you deserved it (4978)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

#20811304
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39914) - you deserved it (23354)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:13am - misc - by kayak probs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50561) - you deserved it (3860)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42647) - you deserved it (4400)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47849) - you deserved it (9962)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24194) - you deserved it (62698)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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