Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48985) - you deserved it (27406)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60068) - you deserved it (7822)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50651) - you deserved it (3864)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

#20788188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (3787)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42205) - you deserved it (4987)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62577) - you deserved it (10851)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43651) - you deserved it (4485)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38934) - you deserved it (18576)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

#20811304
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39971) - you deserved it (23399)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:13am - misc - by kayak probs - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: