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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52467) - you deserved it (21201)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47058) - you deserved it (9245)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

#20806438
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55338) - you deserved it (4272)

On 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm - kids - by poopiter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47317) - you deserved it (9359)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55496) - you deserved it (9440)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

#20779631
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65372) - you deserved it (5162)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67704) - you deserved it (5854)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54116) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63010) - you deserved it (8214)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

#20784458
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51495) - you deserved it (8509)

On 07/15/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (7692)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you deserved it (65291)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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