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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

I was getting intimate with girlfriend. She pulld down trousers, saw Poke-ball boxers, an absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bd fir the next 10 minutes hereing her howl with laughter while crying ( Dickachu, I choose you! ) FML

#20711208
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57207) - you deserved it (66117)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today... it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnome in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras...hich I thought had deterred the idiot... until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnome on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. fat FML

#20742609
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60091) - you deserved it (3932)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today,hile sexting mah grlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (65771)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today... I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declind... and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid fir mah purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxd out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68229) - you deserved it (19326)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, ma usband finally returned from is 18-mont deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from ma Aunt. Se was iding in our closet teole time to surprise us wit cake for is safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81058) - you deserved it (7394)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrivd in the mail. We burid her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69258) - you deserved it (3975)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting fir her result . Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69610) - you deserved it (4255)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper an pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, an ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47727) - you deserved it (3170)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

2day I returned ome from a mont long trip overseas to find tat brd sitter as trained parrot to wisper , "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49384) - you deserved it (6474)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce mah parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and mah boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them wat was wrong cuz I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating mah dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73251) - you deserved it (7239)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

yesterday my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was... "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock... he added... "You know... when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today husband was in our newborn's room holding an talking to him. I guess he forgot the babby monitor because I overhered him say "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58528) - you deserved it (4183)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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