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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

#20716829
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48106) - you deserved it (4895)

On 06/10/2013 at 1:09am - work - by Frazz (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38683) - you deserved it (8934)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

#20742647
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51763) - you deserved it (3688)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by o_O (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

#20728225
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47981) - you deserved it (3822) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

#20716424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36766) - you deserved it (7114)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm - health - by Sean - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

#20728960
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63403) - you deserved it (6531)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:37am - intimacy - by idontwanttoknow - United States

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69260) - you deserved it (6585)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51023) - you deserved it (3327)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85348) - you deserved it (5841)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51041) - you deserved it (3482)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

#20730236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39403) - you deserved it (11220)

On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

#20725457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60643) - you deserved it (4186)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40251) - you deserved it (3725)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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