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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML

#20682342
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36257) - you deserved it (4786)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

#20634162
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40974) - you deserved it (10509)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by Sean - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36066) - you deserved it (4302)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53397) - you deserved it (7704)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

#20695876
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43621) - you deserved it (8353)

On 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm - love - by Terminator101101 - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47212) - you deserved it (4002)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39096) - you deserved it (4900)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45298) - you deserved it (6819)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

#20689895
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (5355)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by mustache girl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45269) - you deserved it (3911)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38228) - you deserved it (9538)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16568) - you deserved it (41066)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30744) - you deserved it (16934)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)



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