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May 2013

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Today, I was at my nursing internship. After helping a patient get into bed, I began to walk out of the room when I heard him say to another nurse, "Now that was a king sized lady". To make things even better, she didn't understand him the first time and I got to hear him say it again. FML

by melody91 / 05/30/2013 at 9:54pm / United States (Texas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 3:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

by moikristine / 05/21/2013 at 6:24am / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

by Check Writer / 05/20/2013 at 7:07pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

by ZydecosGirl / 05/09/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:35am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm / Mexico (Guanajuato) / Work

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

by cantwin / 05/31/2013 at 9:54am / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

by psuedodragon / 05/21/2013 at 1:20pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2013 at 6:52am / United States / Animals

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

by moo... / 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm / Love