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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (44440)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53220) - you deserved it (7692)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45175) - you deserved it (2798)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47050) - you deserved it (3986)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41872) - you deserved it (6401)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

#20689895
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44384) - you deserved it (5345)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by mustache girl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

#20683275
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32487) - you deserved it (3064)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by redneckfamily - United States (Washington)

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

#20694934
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38093) - you deserved it (9525)

On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16504) - you deserved it (40962)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30644) - you deserved it (16906)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19315) - you deserved it (65614)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (2874)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
78 comments


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