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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

#20681698
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48453) - you deserved it (2891)

On 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm - love - by a single fuck (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38317) - you deserved it (8386)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61001) - you deserved it (4436)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59753) - you deserved it (7252)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60324) - you deserved it (6315)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47314) - you deserved it (2727)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44123) - you deserved it (4262)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44109) - you deserved it (25704)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46840) - you deserved it (3742)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

#20679212
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40114) - you deserved it (3614)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

#20654383
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51758) - you deserved it (3978)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:01pm - love - by paintfarts1976 (woman) - Ireland (Westmeath)

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56220) - you deserved it (3858)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (4826)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)



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