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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55976) - you deserved it (3846)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

#20692497
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55610) - you deserved it (5687)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:49am - money - by $$$ - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

#20675696
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35254) - you deserved it (4440)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm - health - by pixkalexi - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50569) - you deserved it (11507)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53471) - you deserved it (8999)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37300) - you deserved it (8211)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58268) - you deserved it (4193)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45591) - you deserved it (2614)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47391) - you deserved it (3935)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41840) - you deserved it (4061)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56252) - you deserved it (7747)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43898) - you deserved it (25615)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45171) - you deserved it (3612)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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