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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

#20683274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34815) - you deserved it (4212)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

#20697496
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50986) - you deserved it (3973)

On 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16243) - you deserved it (36434)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49843) - you deserved it (3037)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54542) - you deserved it (9281)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60581) - you deserved it (4654)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38674) - you deserved it (13759)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39990) - you deserved it (3922)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40938) - you deserved it (14776)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53820) - you deserved it (4015)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

#20654207
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (8056)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38242) - you deserved it (6688)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

#20678301
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49116) - you deserved it (3154)

On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

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  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

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