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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

#20670246
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46946) - you deserved it (6033)

On 05/18/2013 at 1:22am - love - by Sarsippius -

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

#20650676
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52747) - you deserved it (9857)

On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

#20679293
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45090) - you deserved it (3412)

On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

#20687072
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48964) - you deserved it (7862)

On 05/26/2013 at 10:15am - love - by thenewgirlfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

#20672990
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44984) - you deserved it (3007)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

#20664979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56881) - you deserved it (11314)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43033) - you deserved it (4213)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

#20634407
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56228) - you deserved it (4792)

On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56156) - you deserved it (12300)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38716) - you deserved it (36956)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55739) - you deserved it (4170)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

#20642213
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52836) - you deserved it (7103)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:28am - work - by rent-a-cop (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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