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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

#20654488
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45057) - you deserved it (4318)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by o___O" (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (2916)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29384) - you deserved it (53415)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54307) - you deserved it (3056)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20110) - you deserved it (45801)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45559) - you deserved it (2613)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61980) - you deserved it (11947)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48370) - you deserved it (5166)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40418) - you deserved it (5054)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

#20657611
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50278) - you deserved it (3197)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by Baikal - Singapore

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46439) - you deserved it (2895)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46040) - you deserved it (6910)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63612) - you deserved it (14000)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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