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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54407) - you deserved it (6713)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50877) - you deserved it (9920)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50276) - you deserved it (6851)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41926) - you deserved it (3351)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

#20654488
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42620) - you deserved it (4134)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by o___O" (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44480) - you deserved it (2808)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27902) - you deserved it (51372)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52073) - you deserved it (2848)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47466) - you deserved it (10678)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34132) - you deserved it (7605)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55922) - you deserved it (5896)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42976) - you deserved it (2429)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43050) - you deserved it (3286)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)



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