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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50208) - you deserved it (4216)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50121) - you deserved it (8118)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61421) - you deserved it (6869)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42527) - you deserved it (9067)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47579) - you deserved it (5251)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51937) - you deserved it (6197)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57761) - you deserved it (8041)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

#20580991
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40579) - you deserved it (6095)

On 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Zxz - Canada

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

#20588155
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29589) - you deserved it (46871)

On 04/13/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by reallythough - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46801) - you deserved it (4670)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57922) - you deserved it (3871)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18572) - you deserved it (62422)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada



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