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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53117) - you deserved it (10224)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68629) - you deserved it (17864)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58851) - you deserved it (7876)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46715) - you deserved it (3212)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

#20572997
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46665) - you deserved it (5544)

On 04/03/2013 at 9:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52359) - you deserved it (12016)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68164) - you deserved it (7229)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49467) - you deserved it (7998)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

#20574279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60341) - you deserved it (4461)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:46am - love - by nobodylovesme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52051) - you deserved it (17671)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68392) - you deserved it (4838)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65390) - you deserved it (4213)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

#20618435
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (5955)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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