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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56867) - you deserved it (12741)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58089) - you deserved it (16258)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

#20632198
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53024) - you deserved it (5009)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48184) - you deserved it (13769)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

#20611227
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55375) - you deserved it (3698)

On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38374) - you deserved it (6741)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68932) - you deserved it (6147)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41800) - you deserved it (18365)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53431) - you deserved it (8649)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59371) - you deserved it (7750)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43641) - you deserved it (18761) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

#20590768
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69321) - you deserved it (3366)

On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)



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