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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59612) - you deserved it (4441)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

#20621829
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46117) - you deserved it (3734)

On 04/25/2013 at 9:37pm - kids - by LibraryPedo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37967) - you deserved it (5120)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

#20571214
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35962) - you deserved it (3695)

On 04/02/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

#20587958
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39164) - you deserved it (40426)

On 04/13/2013 at 11:52am - love - by saxophone911 - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

#20569899
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34284) - you deserved it (7498)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

#20571565
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36427) - you deserved it (8751)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49305) - you deserved it (3663)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

#20595880
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40342) - you deserved it (3597)

On 04/16/2013 at 6:50am - work - by no compassion - United States (Colorado)

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

#20629579
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24298) - you deserved it (57980)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:26am - love - by bad day Brutus (man) - United States

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43240) - you deserved it (3612)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33142) - you deserved it (6847)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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