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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

#20583566
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35089) - you deserved it (16363)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (6122)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28393) - you deserved it (2090)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40780) - you deserved it (10402)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47102) - you deserved it (3460)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45590) - you deserved it (6559)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37022) - you deserved it (4991)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52902) - you deserved it (3067)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (4588)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

#20581005
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (1889)

On 04/08/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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