Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42596) - you deserved it (3922)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34589) - you deserved it (5715)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50709) - you deserved it (7193)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47373) - you deserved it (3048)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58600) - you deserved it (5690)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49714) - you deserved it (21810)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53995) - you deserved it (3596)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41747) - you deserved it (9407)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51610) - you deserved it (10627)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46849) - you deserved it (13669)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

#20581005
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41381) - you deserved it (2199)

On 04/08/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

#20569989
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37588) - you deserved it (3853)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm - love - by tkrause - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

#20592650
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (50142)

On 04/15/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Cupcakes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: