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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

#20583566
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (16967)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

#20572732
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39291) - you deserved it (13489)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:48am - love - by kenabrookee - United States (California)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34722) - you deserved it (3102)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32767) - you deserved it (14130)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28992) - you deserved it (7325) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

#20572944
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24843) - you deserved it (5960)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57593) - you deserved it (6497)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44550) - you deserved it (11471)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42522) - you deserved it (3922)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34517) - you deserved it (5715)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50623) - you deserved it (7191)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML



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