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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

#20578428
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45019) - you deserved it (4931)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:26am - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45861) - you deserved it (6582)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44749) - you deserved it (6269)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30866) - you deserved it (4656)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47167) - you deserved it (7838)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

#20588714
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43292) - you deserved it (3776)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by typical - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

#20587655
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (22680)

On 04/13/2013 at 5:21am - misc - by really? - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46931) - you deserved it (8907)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (14763)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41982) - you deserved it (5886)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

#20623130
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40091) - you deserved it (2703)

On 04/26/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by thats what my ipod is for (man) - United States

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39560) - you deserved it (6085)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -



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