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March 2013

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TODAY , I GAVE MY GRLFRIEND AN ORGASM 4 THE FRST TIME. SHE'S A SCREAMER. HER DOG MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS ATTACKING HER , BECAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY CUMMD OVER AND STARTD SAVAGING ME. BIG FAT FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50350) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over an said, "If I was straight, I would make u my queen." FML

#20548252
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40229) - you deserved it (5741)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got so drunk that I tasarad mysalf in tha balls as a joka, fall down my friand's porch stair and rollad out into tha straat . FML

#20559522
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10426) - you deserved it (63050)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, when I got home, mah child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me frst". FML

#20538066
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49442) - you deserved it (6120)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, I picked up new car. The dealer offered to connect iPhone to the Bluetooth system 4 me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passagehich had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today..!! I gave my son a fork..!! so I could try teaching him how to eat with one!! So far..!! he's been doing all the teaching!! He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork..!! I'll get shankd!! real FML

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tird that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep!! When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me!! I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving an was about to die!! I only realizd it was stationary after I pissd myself!! FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32174) - you deserved it (5421)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

My Boyfriend Left Me 4 A Girl I Know . She Was The Girl My Last Boyfriend Left Me For . FML

#20536593
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49565) - you deserved it (3495)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:16am - love - by itsnotyouitsher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

#20544337
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47346) - you deserved it (3008)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by guy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, My Girlfriend Accused Me Of Bieng A Feeder, Saying Tat's Y Se's Been Putting On So Muc Wiegt. Wen I Said It Migt Be Cuz Se Eats At McDonalds Everyday, And Tat I Was Willing To Start Cooking Low-calorie Foods Fir Us, Se It Me. Ten Se Went To McDonalds. FML

#20538059
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42129) - you deserved it (4891)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist . I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality . mega FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46634) - you deserved it (6030)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Taday I told my mom tat I eard someting, an I tink we ave rats in te attic an sould ire an exterminator. Se looked at me an said, ( Rats, u? Tat's wat te mom in Te Exorcist tougt, but it turned out to be te devil living up tere. ) big fat FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30879) - you deserved it (3198)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today , I had to help mah little sister do a frst-grade project for school. For one part , they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale , and I asked , "A whale is yur role model?" She laughed and said , "No! It's you!" mega FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36925) - you deserved it (5556)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)



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