Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not bieng able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33091) - you deserved it (50996) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Yesterday, our dog jumped on the bedhile my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closedhile he continued banging me. mega FML

Today , my parents askd me if I was sexually active . My grandma then screamd from upstairs , "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48508) - you deserved it (14442)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

TODAY... WILST TEXTING MY BOYFRIEND ON TE TRAIN... I NOTICED TE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO ME STARING INTENTLY AT MY PONE. AFTER LETTING MY BOYFRIEND KNOW... E SENT A MESSAGE SAYING... "ARE WE GONNA INVOLVE TE DOG AGAIN? LAST NIGT WAS FUN." SE GASPED AND SCREAMED TAT I'M A "TWISTED DOG-UMPING BITC." FML

#20560035
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40147) - you deserved it (6840)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, mah cat laarnd how to opan doors. Evar sinca than sha's baan running up to mah room, opaning mah door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33403) - you deserved it (4472)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, mah grlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51223) - you deserved it (12115)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, it was mah first time with mah boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets!! FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39652) - you deserved it (8546) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I went to the arport after saying goodbye to my, fir some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opend my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretendd to know wat it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51711) - you deserved it (6266)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, afterhich he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34575) - you deserved it (6326)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, I cummed home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home mah 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick yur ass." The babby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends an my boyfriend . During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass . My boyfriend pointed an said, ( Babe, you took his drink . ) My friend responded by putting his arm round me an saying, ( Whatever, I took her virginity . ) FML

#20563680
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64794) - you deserved it (16433)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guyho works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He endd up asking looool if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43095) - you deserved it (3993)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has looool a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

#20549296
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46573) - you deserved it (4771)

On 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by chickenmcnuggetgirl (woman) - Ireland (Meath)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: