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October 2012

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Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

by asparagus piss / 10/19/2012 at 1:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

by marriedtoacunt / 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML

by WaitedOut / 10/03/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2012 at 2:27pm / Philippines (Rizal) / Love

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

by orilykid / 10/31/2012 at 1:23pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

by friendlessatwork / 10/02/2012 at 2:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

by SoSoRachel / 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

by sadbride / 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm / Bahamas (New Providence) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

by firstdategonebad / 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

by Ohwhy / 10/27/2012 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous