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February 2016

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

#21522398
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22091) - you deserved it (3066)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:40am - intimacy - by :x (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18727) - you deserved it (1721)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

#21522467
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15272) - you deserved it (1806) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/03/2016 at 10:44am - misc - by DieuEstUnHomme (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

#21522585
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16845) - you deserved it (1300)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:13pm - misc - by Lord_Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

#21522856
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14470) - you deserved it (2138)

On 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by sandra (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10658) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

#21521749
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20170) - you deserved it (1867)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:54am - kids - by notsoproudfather - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

#21522371
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19669) - you deserved it (1245)

On 02/03/2016 at 8:33am - health - by Ishikur (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13614) - you deserved it (1312)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

#21521929
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19153) - you deserved it (1284)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:23pm - love - by itsjustemcee - United States

Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML

#21522183
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (2056)

On 02/02/2016 at 5:53pm - work - by zachhewett - United States (Alabama)

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

#21522381
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16482) - you deserved it (2539)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:06am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

#21522828
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13141) - you deserved it (3125)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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