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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (4928)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (1591)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22007) - you deserved it (2512)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24360) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (1578)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19859) - you deserved it (1661)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

#21450246
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20477) - you deserved it (1518)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20133) - you deserved it (1868)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19540) - you deserved it (2216)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18399) - you deserved it (5403)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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