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February 2016

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

#21524955
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6881) - you deserved it (36647)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (2072)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

#21522398
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25415) - you deserved it (3628)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:40am - intimacy - by :x (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

#21522856
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20559) - you deserved it (3094)

On 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by sandra (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

#21522467
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17648) - you deserved it (2125) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/03/2016 at 10:44am - misc - by DieuEstUnHomme (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18934) - you deserved it (6598)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

#21522585
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19669) - you deserved it (1516)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:13pm - misc - by Lord_Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19433) - you deserved it (1881)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (1183)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

#21523419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21458) - you deserved it (3798)

On 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by notagoodtime - United States (California)

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

#21523579
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24537) - you deserved it (1273)

On 02/07/2016 at 1:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

#21522371
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22275) - you deserved it (1410)

On 02/03/2016 at 8:33am - health - by Ishikur (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

#21521749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21361) - you deserved it (2032)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:54am - kids - by notsoproudfather - India (Maharashtra)



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