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December 2016

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Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

by Al Staten / 12/06/2016 at 5:03pm / Work

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

by Axlgrows / 12/02/2016 at 11:44am / Geek

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

by HR nightmare / 12/02/2016 at 12:20am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my reflexes kicked in when I saw a hot glue gun falling. FML

by ghostninja4593 / 12/01/2016 at 10:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

by Allie cat / 12/02/2016 at 8:43am / Animals

Today, while at the movies, I started making my way to the end of the row so I could pee. Others moved to make room except for a man at the end. As I tried to climb over him, I tripped and fell on top of him. When I told him I was sorry, he just smiled and said, "Mmm, don't be. I enjoyed it." FML

by NewUsername / 12/05/2016 at 4:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

by Lizziebelle / 12/01/2016 at 3:07am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I finally found out why all three of my roommates were ignoring me. They like to disinfect everything every time they use it, and I don't. They had a problem with that, so they were hoping that by not talking to me, I'd "notice something was wrong and change." FML

Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

by BohGlam / 12/01/2016 at 3:30pm / Work

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

by santabelly / 12/01/2016 at 11:44pm / Work

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

by Her / 12/05/2016 at 12:01pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

by ftt / 12/06/2016 at 10:22am / Geek