Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (58113)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40810) - you deserved it (50617)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49665) - you deserved it (13484)
On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43879) - you deserved it (3568)
On 06/09/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by nicholascageonyourface (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
I agree, your life sucks (40081) - you deserved it (2559)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
I agree, your life sucks (59221) - you deserved it (3292)
On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57074) - you deserved it (5623)
On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42550) - you deserved it (5220)
On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (48939) - you deserved it (8151)
On 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm - love - by lsababy (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46691) - you deserved it (9489)
On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36353) - you deserved it (1769)
On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47635) - you deserved it (3402)
On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (63046) - you deserved it (5772)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Monday 17 June 2013
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