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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (8944)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29050) - you deserved it (3557)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33306) - you deserved it (3191)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

#21454601
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (4857)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27498) - you deserved it (2399)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24239) - you deserved it (2432)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23964) - you deserved it (5623)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25634) - you deserved it (2591)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

#21453572
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (1792)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

#21453336
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27809) - you deserved it (3079)

On 08/08/2015 at 12:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

#21455960
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30870) - you deserved it (1371)

On 08/14/2015 at 11:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML



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