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November 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (9825)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42366) - you deserved it (3791)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25999) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35418) - you deserved it (2180)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39141) - you deserved it (3396)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

#21292947
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36057) - you deserved it (2401)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Purple (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

#21300031
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25553) - you deserved it (2857)

On 11/16/2014 at 4:44am - love - by tine - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32795) - you deserved it (6396)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

#21292742
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34942) - you deserved it (8503)

On 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31755) - you deserved it (2769)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34219) - you deserved it (4892)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23958) - you deserved it (5040)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)



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