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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33983) - you deserved it (3688)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25640) - you deserved it (6564)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

#21279204
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32699) - you deserved it (3381)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41135) - you deserved it (5071)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30774) - you deserved it (14198)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35660) - you deserved it (4865)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32059) - you deserved it (4408)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31907) - you deserved it (3217)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29890) - you deserved it (3791)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I missed work for the third time this week. My dog gets lonely when I'm away and has found out how to shut off my alarm clock. FML

#21273263
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33642) - you deserved it (4890)

On 10/08/2014 at 12:21am - animals - by fckUrex - United States (California)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML



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