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Friday 20 June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

#21182108
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41734) - you deserved it (4245)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm - health - by blackchin III (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

#21182241
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50859) - you deserved it (5893)

On 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm - health - by legitfile.bat.virus.exe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (13301)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41011) - you deserved it (22133)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

#21182128
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46832) - you deserved it (8105)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

#21182292
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42730) - you deserved it (5173)

On 06/20/2014 at 7:53pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

#21182417
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42419) - you deserved it (8766)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:04pm - misc - by secret meat (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

#21182176
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40750) - you deserved it (3692)

On 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by Alex (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

#21181955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52768) - you deserved it (5162)

On 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

#21182017
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41155) - you deserved it (4958)

On 06/20/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

#21181414
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38124) - you deserved it (8209)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:05am - misc - by Gibbster_ (man) - United States (Texas)



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