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Wednesday 4 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48351) - you deserved it (2465)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32787) - you deserved it (10302)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44232) - you deserved it (2979)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

#20867149
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38414) - you deserved it (3261)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:00am - kids - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35557) - you deserved it (6670)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

#20867651
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34228) - you deserved it (2646)

On 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by swana99 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (3083)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39019) - you deserved it (6627)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

#20867513
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46245) - you deserved it (3634)

On 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by mother to an ugly doll - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML



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