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Thursday 25 July 2013

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Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm / South Africa / Transportation

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

by AlonsoKold / 07/25/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

by sucksatlove / 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 2:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

by chumpslolo / 07/25/2013 at 6:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

by ........................... / 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

by anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

by JealousBratMuch / 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

by scrotumscratcher / 07/25/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

by how / 07/25/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

by anon / 07/25/2013 at 12:44am / United States (New Jersey) / Work