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Monday 17 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69032) - you deserved it (3960)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49253) - you deserved it (6458)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59256) - you deserved it (37017)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

#20731460
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47904) - you deserved it (2909)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41550) - you deserved it (13620)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74385) - you deserved it (6774)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48916) - you deserved it (10188)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

#20730678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41951) - you deserved it (5235)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

#20730804
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35987) - you deserved it (5028)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML

#20732082
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40502) - you deserved it (2403)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

#20731128
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (5141)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

#20732510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16352) - you deserved it (42294)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)



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